Tissues and Guilt

I'm sick. I have a cold. And, it is annoying. I feel like I am sitting here wallowing in tissues and guilt. I took this week off since the kids have the week off from school. I had grand plans of getting some things done around the house. Yet, here I sit, surrounded by tissues boxes, tea with honey and a good book. Hmmm..... what am I feeling guilty about? The stuff I wanted to get done will still be there when I'm better. Sure, I won't have as much time to do it, but it will get done eventually. Stuff always does. And, in the grand scheme of things, giving my body the rest it needs is a lot more important. I'm still spending time with the kids. And, I actually have time to read a good book. I may still be surounded by tissue boxes, but the guilt has just been given the boot!

Life with Dogs

The other day I was cleaning the house and getting frustrated with the amount of dog hair I was finding everywhere. It amazes me that even though our two big dogs, Murphy and Houston, are mostly outside dogs, they still can track that much hair in the house. But, as I was vacuuming and dusting, I reminded myself of all the things I love about our dogs, and realized I can't imagine life without them.

Our little guy, Chase is our oldest dog. He will be ten this fall, and he is starting to act his age. He is a bischon-shitzu. Chasey-face, the nick name our friend Arlene gave him years ago, is pretty attached to me and usually likes to be in the same room with me if I let him. Five years ago, when I had a serious back injury and was home in a lot of pain most of the time, Chase would just sit near me and rest his head on my lap. Whenever a family member is sick, or having a bad day, he has a tendency to do that. Chase is pretty grumpy with big dogs and lets them know when they are in his space or annoying him with all of their energy.


Murphy is a coon hound. I think he is about six years old now. He is a good watch dog and feels it is his mission in life to keep an eye on everyone and everything going on anywhere near our home. He chases anything that moves. He has a hound dog howl that only comes out if he hears coyotes. Murphy boy is very obedient and a great listener. If he wants attention, he comes and stands close to you and just looks at you with those big brown eyes until you figure out what he wants. If you pet him and then stop, he'll move a couple of steps closer to make sure you get the message that he wants more. He is very affectionate and protective. Murphy is most attached to Darrin. Darrin takes the big dogs to the off leash area by the river to run around. All Darrin has to say is "You want to go to the river in the truck?" and Murphy is vibrating with excitement. He loves being outside and just running.

And then there is Houston, a.k.a. "Scrub". There are varying stories about how he got the nick name Scrub. I know that Carlin and I got in the habit of turning "Houston" into "Eustace", which reminded us of Eustace Clarence Scrub in the Chronicles of Narnia. However, Darrin also remembers that we started calling him Scrub, because when we first got him he was still a puppy. Since he was a puppy, he did typical puppy things, such as chewing on people's shoes, or hiding things. When we would get frustrated with him, we would call him Scrub out of frustration.

Darrin never lets me forget the first summer we had him when I had just filled the planters on our patio with about $80.00 worth of beautiful flowers. We went to work and came home to all of them turned over, chewed on and dug up. It took me a few weeks to forgive him! (Well, acutally sooner, but I was too proud to admit it...)

Houston is lovable, not too bright, and the most sociable animal I know. He just loves and adores us - always, no matter what. He can never get enough attention, and does not like to be away from us for any longer than absolutely necessary. He will eat almost anything and lives for food and love! He is a chocolate lab and about four years old (I think) and has (thank goodness!) grown out of his puppy ways. He slobbers everywhere when he drinks, makes a mess when he eats, slobbers on us when he is being affectionate, and I cannot imagine life without him.

He is not much of a watch dog, because he would let anyone in the house as long as they either had food or love for him. Good thing Murphy is around.

It's true that these three members of our family make extra work for all of us. But, they bring so much love, joy and fun into our household that it makes it worth it. More than worth it.

But - just to clarify, Sierra and Darrin - no, we are not getting any more!

Our house is full, busy, noisy and sometimes messy thanks to these lovable creatures. And, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Change

I've been thinking about change. Isn't it often the case that just when you get comfortable with life, something happens to bring about a change? Sometimes this is good, and even exciting... like a move into a new house or a new job. But, sometimes it is devestating... such as a sudden, unexpected loss that takes your breath away and changes your life forever. None of us are immune to those kinds of changes and many times we have no control over whether they happen to us or not. They just happen, and we are left to figure out how to adjust and move on. Most times, change just kind of sneaks up on us, silently altering pieces of our lives in ways that we don't always notice until someone points them out to us. But, no matter how it presents itself to us, change is inevitable.

2008 was a year filled with lots of change for me. Some of it was good and even exciting. Some of it was unexpected and difficult. I would just get my head around one change that was happening in my life and then another one would present itself to me before I could even catch my breath. As I was thinking about all that had occured over the last year, I thought of one of my favorite songs by Rich Mullins called "The Breaks". The lyrics of the chorus are:

"It is the sea that makes the sailor
And the land that shapes the sea
And I do not know yet what I am made of
Or all I may someday be
It is the wood that makes a carpenter
It's the very tools of his trade
And it is the love that makes a lover
And a cross that makes a saint."

This song reminds me that it is often the changes around us that shape and mold us. Change is at the very heart of shaping of who we are becoming. We may not have control over a lot of the change that comes our way, but we do have control over how we respond to that change. We have opportunities in the midst of the waves of change to allow them to shape us in ways that strengthen and increase our capacities to grow. We can allow change to turn us into bitter, defeated people, or we can put one foot in front of the other, breathe in and out, and choose day by day to live the best life we can with what we have. I know that is not always easy, but it definitely is a choice we have. I don't know about anyone else, but I hope I can continue to respond to change in my life this way.

On Turning 40

So.... I'll be 40 in a couple of days. Weird. But, good. I remember having a bit of a "downer" with turning 30. I think it had to do with feeling a loss of my youth. Yet, the funny thing is that I don't feel that at all this time. I feel good about turning 40. I think that, for me, there are so many things I appreciate more about this stage of my life than when I turned 30. I am so much clearer about my priorities, my boundaries, and basically who I am. I am much more comfortable with who I am. I'm not nearly so concerned about what people think or whether they like me. I am so much better at figuring out when I need to say "no" to something or someone, and then actually doing it. I have also done a lot of "pruning" in my life. I have sorted out what needs to be there and what doesn't. I feel very confident in my career and I love what I do. I am at the stage now where I can still enjoy learning, but I can also help mentor and teach others. This is something I really enjoy. My family life is at a stage that has lots of benefits as well. Parenting teenagers may be more emotionally demanding than parenting little ones, but it is absolutely less physically demanding. My kids sleep in! They are pretty independent and help out around the house. There are bigger worries with what happens in the lives of teenagers, and sometimes I struggle with that. But, I have to fall back on trusting that my kids have been learning the values we have taught them and that they have the ability to make good decisions. And, I fall back on my faith. It sure helps to believe there is a loving God who is even more interested in the well being of my children than I am. The other thing about raising teenagers is that with their busy social lives, Darrin and I get more time together as well. We start to get little glimpses of what the empty nest years might be like. Although I am not anywhere near ready for that, it is nice to see that there will be things to look forward to in those years.
It's not that there are no struggles or issues at this stage of my life. Life is just full of struggles that often come at us unexpectedly. But, I'm also at a stage of my life where I find it a bit easier to see that even the struggles are ok. There is always learning in them. And, fighting them sure doesn't help or change things! Sometimes you just have to accept "what is" and focus on what you can change in a situation (which, pretty much is just yourself and how you respond to things).
Anyway, life at 40 is good. I am thankful.

Transcending: Words on Women and Strength by Kelly Corrigan

This is an amazing testimony to the strength of women and their friendships. I am so grateful to call some wonderful and very strong women friends. These women never fail to inspire me, and it gives me immeasurable comfort to know they are there for me in my life. There is a fascinating study by UCLA that was quite recent (2002 I believe) about how relationships among women significantly reduce stress in their lives. Google it if you are interested. I hope this is as encouraging for others as it is for me.

John Mayer - Heart of Life (Acoustic)

This song never fails to make me feel hopeful. The heart of life is good. I believe that. In the midst of "winter blahs" or challenges that life tends to present, it is so good to shift my perspective to remember that. For me, music has a way of creating those shifts - probably more than anything else. This song is pure musical enjoyment for me... and i just wanted to share it! :-)

Willow Creek Arts Conference 2007 Dewitt Jones

De Witt Jones is a photographer with National Geographic. His work has taken him to some of the most amazing places in the world, and it has shifted his perspective to one of "celebrating what is RIGHT with the world". He has a DVD out by that name. If you ever get a chance to see it, it is worth it!