Change

I've been thinking about change. Isn't it often the case that just when you get comfortable with life, something happens to bring about a change? Sometimes this is good, and even exciting... like a move into a new house or a new job. But, sometimes it is devestating... such as a sudden, unexpected loss that takes your breath away and changes your life forever. None of us are immune to those kinds of changes and many times we have no control over whether they happen to us or not. They just happen, and we are left to figure out how to adjust and move on. Most times, change just kind of sneaks up on us, silently altering pieces of our lives in ways that we don't always notice until someone points them out to us. But, no matter how it presents itself to us, change is inevitable.

2008 was a year filled with lots of change for me. Some of it was good and even exciting. Some of it was unexpected and difficult. I would just get my head around one change that was happening in my life and then another one would present itself to me before I could even catch my breath. As I was thinking about all that had occured over the last year, I thought of one of my favorite songs by Rich Mullins called "The Breaks". The lyrics of the chorus are:

"It is the sea that makes the sailor
And the land that shapes the sea
And I do not know yet what I am made of
Or all I may someday be
It is the wood that makes a carpenter
It's the very tools of his trade
And it is the love that makes a lover
And a cross that makes a saint."

This song reminds me that it is often the changes around us that shape and mold us. Change is at the very heart of shaping of who we are becoming. We may not have control over a lot of the change that comes our way, but we do have control over how we respond to that change. We have opportunities in the midst of the waves of change to allow them to shape us in ways that strengthen and increase our capacities to grow. We can allow change to turn us into bitter, defeated people, or we can put one foot in front of the other, breathe in and out, and choose day by day to live the best life we can with what we have. I know that is not always easy, but it definitely is a choice we have. I don't know about anyone else, but I hope I can continue to respond to change in my life this way.

On Turning 40

So.... I'll be 40 in a couple of days. Weird. But, good. I remember having a bit of a "downer" with turning 30. I think it had to do with feeling a loss of my youth. Yet, the funny thing is that I don't feel that at all this time. I feel good about turning 40. I think that, for me, there are so many things I appreciate more about this stage of my life than when I turned 30. I am so much clearer about my priorities, my boundaries, and basically who I am. I am much more comfortable with who I am. I'm not nearly so concerned about what people think or whether they like me. I am so much better at figuring out when I need to say "no" to something or someone, and then actually doing it. I have also done a lot of "pruning" in my life. I have sorted out what needs to be there and what doesn't. I feel very confident in my career and I love what I do. I am at the stage now where I can still enjoy learning, but I can also help mentor and teach others. This is something I really enjoy. My family life is at a stage that has lots of benefits as well. Parenting teenagers may be more emotionally demanding than parenting little ones, but it is absolutely less physically demanding. My kids sleep in! They are pretty independent and help out around the house. There are bigger worries with what happens in the lives of teenagers, and sometimes I struggle with that. But, I have to fall back on trusting that my kids have been learning the values we have taught them and that they have the ability to make good decisions. And, I fall back on my faith. It sure helps to believe there is a loving God who is even more interested in the well being of my children than I am. The other thing about raising teenagers is that with their busy social lives, Darrin and I get more time together as well. We start to get little glimpses of what the empty nest years might be like. Although I am not anywhere near ready for that, it is nice to see that there will be things to look forward to in those years.
It's not that there are no struggles or issues at this stage of my life. Life is just full of struggles that often come at us unexpectedly. But, I'm also at a stage of my life where I find it a bit easier to see that even the struggles are ok. There is always learning in them. And, fighting them sure doesn't help or change things! Sometimes you just have to accept "what is" and focus on what you can change in a situation (which, pretty much is just yourself and how you respond to things).
Anyway, life at 40 is good. I am thankful.

Transcending: Words on Women and Strength by Kelly Corrigan

This is an amazing testimony to the strength of women and their friendships. I am so grateful to call some wonderful and very strong women friends. These women never fail to inspire me, and it gives me immeasurable comfort to know they are there for me in my life. There is a fascinating study by UCLA that was quite recent (2002 I believe) about how relationships among women significantly reduce stress in their lives. Google it if you are interested. I hope this is as encouraging for others as it is for me.

John Mayer - Heart of Life (Acoustic)

This song never fails to make me feel hopeful. The heart of life is good. I believe that. In the midst of "winter blahs" or challenges that life tends to present, it is so good to shift my perspective to remember that. For me, music has a way of creating those shifts - probably more than anything else. This song is pure musical enjoyment for me... and i just wanted to share it! :-)

Willow Creek Arts Conference 2007 Dewitt Jones

De Witt Jones is a photographer with National Geographic. His work has taken him to some of the most amazing places in the world, and it has shifted his perspective to one of "celebrating what is RIGHT with the world". He has a DVD out by that name. If you ever get a chance to see it, it is worth it!

Hope

I think the reason I wanted this blog to be from a positive perspective, is partly what I do for a living. As a counsellor, I hear people's pain almost every day. I love what I do, though - mainly because it is so encouraging to see people move from a place of pain and difficulty, to a place of feeling empowered and strengthened to make change in their lives. And the conclusion I have come to about all that is it seems almost impossible to move to that place of empowerment without a sense of hope of some kind. We can find hope from many different sources. For me, my hope comes largely out of my faith. But I have often been amazed to see the creativity and resourcefulness that people use to find sources of hope for themselves.

Recently, my daughter Sierra, had a school assignment in which she needed to ask an adult in her life what their favorite poem was and why. She asked me, and I remembered a poem I've loved since I was a kid, but hadn't thought about for some time. This is that poem:


Hope is the thing with feathers
by Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I ’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Even as a kid, I understood that it was that sense of hope that kept the poet "warm" and gave her strength that she needed in difficult times. It spoke to me of a deep truth that I knew was shaping my view of life at that time.

Sometimes, in the darkest of circumstances, there is a flicker of hope that "perches in our soul". Sometimes we understand the source, and sometimes not. But, it is the deep sense within ourselves that things will be okay, and that we will find a way through a difficult time. When it is hard to find that for ourselves, that is the time to lean on others and ask them to help us find that hope. There are times when clients have difficulty finding it for themselves that I ask them if they will let me carry the hope for them for awhile until they are ready to pick it up for themselves. And... they get there.

It is my prayer for you that, as we start a new year, that this coming year be one that fills you with hope for the future and provides you with many opportunities to share that hope with others. You never know when that gives someone just what they need in that moment. Many blessings for the new year!

Eva Cassidy - what a wonderful world